In the 12 step fellowship Alcoholics Anonymous there is a stated belief that reads like this, “It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something is wrong with us.” Oh how I used to hate that statement. I firmly believed that there is such a thing as self righteous anger and that there are times and places where we should be entitled to enjoy being angry about some wrong done to us. The reality, however, is that if we do fall victim to anger, regardless of the cause, our anger becomes the problem and not the harm done us.
St. Dorotheus writing at least 1600 years ago says much the same thing.
“Suppose my brother injures me, and on examining myself I find that I have not given him any cause. Why should I blame myself?”
He then goes on to answer the question by pointing out that when it comes to human relationships in conflict no one is truly innocent. His solution is that we should search for how we may have contributed to the conflict, even if our contribution was without intent or prior awareness. If we find the source of part in it, we can work to avoid a similar event in the future.
The call to find our part in the conflict is a difficult one to answer. It requires we look inward to a level of truth that can cause us to flinch and look away from the mirror of self awareness hastily. We must look and challenge the truth of what we find revealed to us or we will forever be a part of the problem rather than being a part of the solution.
