The Conversation.

On Friday, since the day was nice and the breezes gentle, I went up to sit under a covered deck on the third floor of the building where I work to take a few minutes to engage in prayer and take a break from writing year end evaluations.

I had only been seated a few moments when I began to hear bits and pieces of a woman shouting in anger from the street below. I stood, looked over the balcony and saw a young woman I work with, angrily yelling through a rolled down window at a man seated in the driver’s seat of a car parked in one of the angled parking places near the entrance of our building.

Her back was mostly turned toward me so I could only see her face part but I could see enough to know this was not just a disagreement I was observing but a full on confrontation. She is actually very lovely and while I did not know her well, she had always been very sweet and kind. As an IT support person, her job was to trouble shoot workstations issues and I had never seen her be anything but patient and helpful. Yesterday, however, her features were twisted with anger, her face red and she gestured and pointed wildly at the man in the car.

Because of distance, I could only hear snippets of what she was screaming. Things like, “I can’t believe you would do something like this” and “After all of our time together to have you suddenly change your mind” and “There is no going back now.” She suddenly turned and stormed away through the front door of the building. The man continued to sit in the car and I could see him shaking his head back and forth and pounding the steering wheel with one hand. It was only then I observed there was a third person there, a woman sitting in the passenger seat of the car who was also waving her hand in a way which clearly demonstrated she want the man to drive them away. After only a few more moments, he backed out of the parking spot and sped away with his tires spinning as he accelerated.

I sat back down so I could re-engage my breviary but just then the young lady burst through the doors and out onto the deck. She looked over and saw me sitting there. She locked eyes with me, her features drawn and pinched. Realizing I must have overhead the encounter with the man in the car in the street, she burst into tears and kept repeating, “I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry,” shaking her head back and forth.

I got up, went over to her, and putting one hand on each shoulder, guided her into a chair. I sat next to her and just waited. She quickly regained her composure and wiped the tears away as best she could. Without looking at me she began to talk. Slowly at first, spilling out parts of sentences which did not make much sense. Then seeming to gain momentum, she told me the story. It is a quite simple story, really, and one that is all too common.

She had been married for a couple of years to a man she been in a relationship with for over 8 years before the wedding. They had traveled through Europe and worked on fishing boats in Alaska together. She worked as an IT support person and as waitress to support the man while he finished his degree and became a CPA. It was time, she thought, for children. It was time, he thought, to fall in love with someone else and leave.

When the story was done she finally looked at me with a face which had given up anger but had fallen into sorrow. I told her I would pray for her because that is what I do best. Finally smiling, even if it was just slight, sly smile and said she had heard I was a monk or something like that. I smiled back and told her, yes, I am something like that and invited her to seek me out again if she wanted to just talk. She said she would consider it but we both knew it is unlikely another meeting will take place. For her sake, I hope we don’t if it is because she has to once again talk herself back from the abyss of anger.

There is one more thing. Now I can ask you all to pray for her as well. Pray she will be blessed in ways only God knows best for her.

For Rozanne

And so we gather again as a family to celebrate the life of Rozanne Davenport Koterba. Some of us have traveled from just down the road from here a piece but also from one coast to another and across continents to come to this place.

This is not the first time we have come to this green meadow grown wild with a riot of summer flowers and green grass. We were here 5 summers ago to say goodbye and it is for that reason we gather here again.

There is another whose presence we should invite to be present with us, one who is always with us, our Heavenly Father. Please join me in a prayer of invocation.

Jesus, we ask you to remember the sorrow felt because of the death of Lazarus. You know what is to grieve and feel loss. Send forth your healing spirit to console us today and to remind us there is also joy to embrace even through our broken hearts. Be with us, guide, support us, laugh with us this day and help our tears to dry. Be with us not just this day but always. We pray all this in your holy name. Amen

When we last came together in February, our hurt was fresh but now we have some time to heal, to reflect and to remember. We have learned life will continue on for us and while there is loss there is also a fullness which is given to us through the strength of memories and shared family bonds. Each day love grows to fill the emptiness many of you have felt every day.

The late poet, priest and spiritualist John O’Donohue had some profound wisdom to share with us before his own untimely passing. I would like to share some of the things he had to say because they remind me so much of Rozanne and our family.

Thinking back to those dark days in February, this comes to mind, “Sometimes people are very worried about dying. There is no need to be afraid. When the moment of your dying comes, you will be given everything that you need to make that journey in a graceful, elegant, and trusting way.”

Surely that describes her passing. There was no fear but there was grace and trust.

And there is this, “If you live in this world with kindness, if you don’t add to other people’s burdens, but if you try to serve love, when the time comes for you to make the journey, you will receive a serenity, peace and a welcoming freedom that will enable you to go to the other world with great elegance, grace and acceptance.”

Surely this all describes Rozanne, especially the kindness. She was always unfailingly kind and for that she now knows welcoming freedom.

Today is not just about Rozanne but also about Donny. The life they shared together in this world was interrupted by his death but now they are together again in the next world where they will never be separated again. In the gospel of Mark we are told that in heaven we will become like angels, creatures who exist only to love and serve each other and God. They will not know anger or jealousy or sorrow but will become completely fulfilled by God.

Let us now get to why we have come here today.

When we gathered before on another beautiful sun struck day and we shared together Psalm 121 which is called the Psalm of Ascents.

A song of ascents.

I raise my eyes toward the mountains.

From whence shall come my help? My help comes from the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; or your guardian to sleep.

Behold, the guardian of Israel never slumbers nor sleeps.

The LORD is your guardian; the LORD is your shade at your right hand. By day the sun will not strike you, nor the moon by night. The LORD will guard you from all evil; he will guard your soul. The LORD will guard your coming and going both now and forever.

John O’Donohue also had this to say, ““At death, this physical separation is broken. The soul is released from its particular and exclusive location in this body. The soul then comes in to a free and fluent universe of spiritual belonging.”


It is time for the releasing.

We come from dust, our physical beings formed by things of this world and we walk upon dirt of the earth all of our days. Upon death, our physical presence is returned to dust and so we return to from where we first came. Our spirit is set free reach out to touch the face of God. We are set free. Knowing the freedom that awaits us should bring us all great consolation.

Now I ask that we each reach out and take the hand of whoever is standing nearby, and raise up our joined hands to heaven as we all together recite the Lord’s Prayer.

It is time to take leave of this place but we should take with us the memory of this day and our time together sure in the knowledge of God’s love for us and our love for each other.

Final Blessing

May the grace, peace and mercy of Christ Jesus the savior, God the Father and the Holy Spirit be with us this day and always through all of our comings and goings. Amen

I’ve been asking God a lot this year to help me find my purpose. The reality of it though, is that He has shown me what it is, but I’m struggling to accept that this is the road I must walk. What about what I want?! Doesn’t that count?

I have enjoyed my nice predictable schedule the past few years.  I have considerable control over when I do something and I live my life in a pretty tidy, orderly fashion. After years having been on call, I no longer flinch when my phone rings. So why am I am I being called to wade into the chaos to serve him?

And even as I speak it, I realize how strange it must all sound to Him. I ask Him to show me the way and when He does, instead of being grateful, I say ‘But wait, no, I don’t really like how this sounds. What about me, what about what I want? Doesn’t what I want matter?’

Today we encounter John I find myself feeling sheepish. I might have to hit the pause button and resume watching a program if I am called to serve. John was a little more committed. A lot more committed. As we say today, he was all in.

John the Baptist’s life isn’t one we would consider a ‘success’ if we measured it against the yardstick of conventional human achievement. He lived a hermetic life on the fringes of civilization. He wore wild clothes, foraged for his food. And though he inspired a following with his message of baptism and repentance, his ministry was eventually eclipsed by Jesus’. In the end, he died a gruesome death, at the hands of a foolish king and his vain daughter. Yet here was a man at whose birth, the angels declared, “… many will rejoice at his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord”. This isn’t ‘greatness’ as we would know it, is it? Not in the conventional sense of the word at least.

When we ask God to show us His purpose for us, very often the answer surprises us and not always in a positive way. When that happens, it is important to remember that God doesn’t judge a purposeful life the same way we do. Not for Him the accolades and awards of achievement. Instead, He wants a contrite and humble heart, a heart willing to be led even into the desert, to the fringes of humanity. A heart that says ‘I do, despite my reservations because I trust you, Lord’. And our reward? Life everlasting with Him. Maybe what I should be praying for instead, is the courage and humility to say, ‘Let Thy will be done’ – and the endurance that is needed to follow through on it.

Prayer: We pray for those who are searching for their vocation and their purpose. We pray for the Holy Spirit to quieten their internal turmoil so that they may hear His quiet voice deep within.

Thanksgiving: We give thanks that God loves us despite all of the bad decisions we have made.