Colors

A couple of interesting things happened to me last week. First, last Saturday morning, I brought a sweet young barista at Starbucks to tears. Second, on Thursday I saw a sunset for the first time, I mean I really saw it the way others see a sunset. The events, strangely enough, were tightly connected and were caused by the same phenomena.

Here is the rest of the story. I am color blind. It is no big deal in the scheme of things. At worst it is a nuisance. For example, there a times when I can’t tell if a traffic light is red or green until I get close enough to see the shape of the light and can determine if the light illuminated is the top of the three lights or the bottom. After years of riding with me at all hours of the day and in all weather conditions, my wife instinctively knows when I might have trouble reading the light so she simply calls out the color. It is no big deal. Neither one of us give the issue a second thought. For us it is a matter of routine and I appreciate not having to ask. She appreciates not worrying about me running a red light. It works for us.

When I am shopping for things and color is an issue, it is not uncommon for me to ask for help. There are times when I simply can’t tell what color an item might be so I just ask. I have learned it is better to ask someone who works in the store than just a random stranger. I have also learned that the color blind ask for help regarding colors far more often than I suspected. Just this week a sales associate in a store told me she is asked for color assistance just about every day. So I am not alone.

My colorblindness is a source of amusement for coworkers, friends and family. Some people don’t understand colorblindness. They think I don’t see any color and I live in a grayscale world. The term “color blind” is deceiving. I can see colors well enough. It just can’t tell some of them part sometimes. Other colors I can never tell apart. Like I said, it is really no big deal. I have learned to manage my wardrobe to avoid mistakes but if you really want to mess me up, cut off the tags on which I have written the color and I won’t be able to tell red from green from brown.

Since I have been color blind my entire life I really don’t feel like there is anything wrong with me. There are no special rules to help the color blind. No accommodations to help us get through life such as changing traffic signals from red and green to blue and red since most of those who are color blind would easily be able to discriminate between blue and red much more easily. I would think it would be silly to lobby for color blindness to be considered a disability.

I never really considered what it would be like if I could change I how I see the world by seeing colors the way the rest of world see it. I just don’t see color blindness being like true blindness, deafness, limited mobility or physical limitations. I am not handicapped. I am certainly not defective. I might be a touch defensive. Just a touch.

The world began to change Christmas day when my uncle talked about seeing videos on the internet of people putting on some special glasses which supposedly correct colorblindness. Some of the videos depicted people, mostly men, being overwhelmed by the experienced and actually breaking down emotionally seconds after putting on a pair of magic glasses. We talked about the subject for a while but then I forgot all about for a few days. On New Year’s Day, my uncle called me again to tell me he had seen another video of a man breaking down in tears after putting on the glasses and seeing the eyes of his children. He told me to google the glasses and see where it might me lead me. I did as he suggested.

The Google search led us to a website for the manufacturer of the glasses, Enchroma. My wife and I spent a significant amount of time reaching the science behind the glasses and how they worked. The following Monday I ordered the glasses from the manufacturer and was told to expect a 4-6 week delivery delay. I was surprised when they arrived on Friday. Since it was after dark when I got home, I decided to wait until morning to give them a try.

The day dawned dark and gray. The sky was overcast as morning brightened and I suspect the dull, flat light would not really be the best time to test the glasses. It was not long, however, before I couldn’t wait any longer to give them a try so I opened the box, put on the glasses and went over to window and looked out to and wondered if the world was about the change. It didn’t. My first impression is that images looked sharper and the sky had more depth but I was not experiencing anything life altering. My wife has beautiful green eyes which I absolutely love. I looked in her eyes and while they were as beautiful as always, they did not appear to be any different. My heart sank. 

After having my hopes raised, disappointment settled in over the morning.

The literature from the manufacturer instructed users to allow some time for the changes to take effect. I was not expected a gradual change. I wanted to see instant results but didn’t. I decided to just put on the glasses and wear them as instructed on my ride into the office. During the course of the trip, the sun began to peek through the cloud. Things started changing gradually. Red started really look red. Brown looked brown. Pink and tan looked different from each other. The literature warned me that I might find myself distracted as I got used to using the glasses. I should have paid more attention because I nearly drove up on a curb when I realized that I house have driven by every day for years was actually red and not green. Still, as fascinated as I was by what I was experiencing, I was not overwhelmed and I still felt a little disappointed.

I decided to stop at Starbucks to get some coffee to take into the office. I waited my turn and place my order. As the barista handed me my cup, the sun broke the clouds and even though we were behind a tinted window, the sunlight streaming in lit up her green eyes. I was dazzled. Tears streamed out of my eyes and I found I could not even talk. I clearly startled the girl who, as it turns it out, is the daughter of a friend and co-worker. I stumbled through a really sketchy explanation of what was happening. The point I was finally able to make is that I was seeing green eyes the way they were meant to be seen for the first time because of the special glasses I was wearing. In the next instant she also teared up. The two other baristas behind the counter came over. One had dazzling blue eyes. I teared up again. I could not help it. It just happened. In a few moments all three of them were crying with me.

I am still getting used to the glasses. We have had a string of dark days and we are locked into the colorless says of winter. I wore them into a store one day and I could not force myself out of the fruits and vegetables because I was locked in all on all of the colors around me.

The rest of the story is that Thursday afternoon last week I was traveling back to my sister’s home and as we drove, a beautiful sunset developed over Mt. Helena. I saw all of the colors the way most take for granted. I cried again. Maybe it was the emotion that was overwhelming us. We had just left the funeral home where we made arrangement for husband’s funeral. I could not get over the notion, however, that John, her husband had sent me a sunset to appreciate and to remind us that even in the darkest of times, we should have hope and faith in the light that chases away the darkness.

Green eyed Maggie at Starbucks served me my coffee this morning with a big a smile and question about how I was getting along with my glasses. I told her was making an effort to avoid causing tears, either someone else’s or my own. She smiled even brighter. I can hardly wait for spring. Colors are coming. 

For John........


Eulogy

January 11, 2016

Thank you again being with us today. We have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love shared with the family over the past week. For everything that has been done and for all else to come, thank you.

This is the time take a few minutes to remember John. A eulogy should be more than a recitation of the facts like we read in the obituary. Instead we should remember the simple truths about a person which when added together define the essence of the person who has passed.

There is a famous poem called “The Dash” which tells us that what defines a person is what happens between the date of birth and the date of death. The dash represents the time a person lives out the fullness of life.

So what are some of the simple truths about John? There are a few words we can use as tools to assist us in uncovering those truths.

The first word is commitment. John was committed to his family, first in time he was committed to his parents and also his sister Lesley. John was committed to Marcia as a friend, a partner and a spouse, and then he was committed to his children, Jackson and Jessica. He was also committed to the family he married into and we, in turn, were committed to him.

So what did commitment look like to John? It looked like vacationing with Marcia, whether the trips were to distant places like San Francisco or Seattle or perhaps just enjoying a leisurely canoe trip down a nearby river. Commitment looked like attending every one of Jackson’s baseball games he possibly make and he was committed to the point of often keeping score. Now that is something which really demands commitment.

Commitment looked like following Jessica from one dance event to another so he could be with her and watch while she did what she loves to do best.

Commitment was being willing to travel near and far for family events. We should remember sitting on the shore of Lake McDonald visiting and laughing together. Meanwhile our children attempted to throw every rock on the beach back out into deep water as part of a grand rock skipping contest. Our last memory of a family gathering with John will be this past Christmas. It was a very sweet day and it was so unexpected.

As I look around I see many faces who remind me of other truths. John was committed to his profession. For John to be a lawyer was to have achieved his highest vocational calling. He truly loved the law and those who knew him as a lawyer respected and admired him greatly whether the person was a partner, ally or an opponent. He was a great man and he was a great lawyer who showed us how to be an extraordinary advocate without creating enmity in what can be a bitterly adversarial occupation

There a number of other words which describe the dash between the dates we should touch upon.

Kindness.

Patience

Gentleness. He always spoke gently, both in the words he chose and the tone he used while speaking.

Wise. He was often the smartest man in any room he happened to be in but he always tried to use his intelligence to find wisdom wherever it could be found.

Loving. He loved. That is all I need to say. He loved and reveled in being loved in return.

The last word to use to describe the dash between the dates is humor. John had a wonderful sense of humor which he shared generously. If I were to ask just half of you to recall a single time when John not only caused you to laugh but also made you feel good about it, we would be here for hours.

Today is a day for us to share such stories with each other but not just today but also in the coming days, weeks, months and years. Memories are the most important thing to remember about the time the dash represents. Marcia asked me to encourage each of you to continue to share stories about John with each other and with Marcia and her children.

There is one last thing to share, something I don’t think I have ever shared with anyone but it is something I think will be fitting conclusion.

Some 18 years ago I was privileged to see my nephew Jackson for the first time. As you might expect I was nearly overcome with emotion. I glanced at John and I saw that sly grin we all loved so much. You know the look I am talking about, don’t you. We all knew that look. I just knew something unexpected was coming. And it did.

He said to me, “I think I am your favorite person in the world.”

Of course, I was enormously fond of John but it still seemed to be a very strange thing for him to say. Without allowing me to consider the statement for long, he continued, “I am your favorite guy because I married your sister, fathered her baby and made her happy.”

Of course, his precise words were not exactly appropriate to repeat while we are here in the sanctuary but you get the point. I promise you this – we laughed long and loud over that.

A couple of years later I had the opportunity to see my niece Jessica for the first time. Sharing a wee dram of fine single malt Scotch with him later, I reminded him he was, in fact, still my favorite guy in the world and we shared another good laugh.

In the past few days I have come to realize that his telling me he was my favorite guy was not just funny but that it speaks to the greatest truth about John, the truth that defined his time was between dates.

You see, John made the decision to wake up every day determined to be the best husband and the best father he could be and he spent every day for the rest of his life doing just that.

This is the great truth that gives all of the other simple truths meaning and purpose. If a man commits to making his wife and children happy, what more could any brother want?

For this brother, the answer is nothing. There is nothing more to want except, in this case, more time for him to be with us. Still, however, we treasure the time with him we were permitted on this side of the veil.

Thank you and God bless you all for being here.