A Reflection on St. Cyril's homily on the Holy Spirit

For the third time in the past couple of weeks, St. Cyril is the author of the second reading in the Lectio. His words have leaped forward through the tunnel of time to speak directly me things I have needed to hear these past days.

The most recent inspiration comes from his commentary on the Gospel of John.

St. Cyril writes:

"After Christ had completed his mission on earth, it still remained necessary for us to become sharers in the divine nature of the Word. We had to give up our own life and be so transformed that we would begin to live an entirely new kind of life that would be pleasing to God."
What does he mean by to give our own life? The intent is clear. We stop acting like we are navigators of our ships of life. Our commission is to sail the boat straight and well trimmed. His role is to set our course and guide us through the shoals to the distant promised shores on the other side of eternity.

So what does this transformation look like? In my life, I have seen a young woman widowed with two children turn toward God with an open heart and then be able build a new life. She raised both children by enduring daily sacrifice and making a total gift of herself that we would have everything we needed both in terms of worldly possessions but also in saintly love that continues to this day for both her children.

I have seen a man who had become an alcoholic finally give up the struggle to control everything only to find himself in an unmanageable way of life have the compulsion to drink relieved on the very day he invited God back into his life.

I have seen transformation come in the strength of an exhausted mother who called upon the strength of the Holy Spirit through a simple three word prayer, “God, help me,” and was then able get of out bed again and again to pace the floor with an inconsolable infant, singing in a mother's tongue a loving song of comfort.

I have not yet been transformed because that would imply that the work of the Holy Spirit has been completed. It has not. I am being transformed and I am living a new life where forgiveness and reconciliation lie before me and a new way of living in which I will be granted the wisdom to recognize God’s will for me.

Peace be with you.

Pursuing Grace

I truly desire the peace and happiness that comes from living in accordance with His will. I crave the healing that will come as I exchange the nightmares and ghosts of a past life poorly lived with a new hope for a happy life filled with His Grace.

St. Augustine wrote in his Confessions

“In my unloveliness I plunged into the lovely things which you created. You were with me, but I was not with you. Created things kept me from you; yet if they had not been in you they would not have been at all. You called, you shouted, and you broke through my deafness. You flashed, you shone, and you dispelled my blindness. You breathed your fragrance on me; I drew in breath and now I pant for you. I have tasted you; now I hunger and thirst for more. You touched me, and I burned for your peace.”

Like Augustine I became lost in created things driven by desire to fill needs I could not articulate because I did not know the words to use to describe them. There is nothing innately evil or wrong with the things I pursued because they were created by God. What is wrong is that I pursued them for reasons of self gratification that separated me from the Truth who could sustain me. Finally God has gotten through to me and I am beginning to listen but I still hold something back, I cannot completely believe that become whole I must do what is asked of me; make my heart ready and to then let go those things that deafen and blind me.

St. Augustine continues:

“When once I shall be united to you with my whole being, I shall at last be free of sorrow and toil. Then my life will be alive, filled entirely with you. When you fill someone, you relieve him of his burden, but because I am not yet filled with you, I am a burden to myself. My joy when I should be weeping struggles with my sorrows when I should be rejoicing. I know not where victory lies.”

His words leap through 1600 years of human history to ring in my ears as clearly as if the words were written today. St. Augustine struggled with finding his true nature after a life spent outside the light of understanding God and His plans for him. I share his struggle. We all share his struggle but for those of us who have invested everything in a belief only in ourselves have much work to do before we find the victory Augustine found.

Today there is no great insight in how to achieve that victory, no wise words on how to find hope, as did Augustine, in God’s great mercy. The words, "I ain't much but I am all I have got" echo in my consiousness but leave me with a bitter feeling. I no long desire what I have got. I am compelled to end today with words from Augustine that I offer up to the Lord as prayer for myself:

“I make no effort to conceal my wounds. You are my physician, I your patient. You are merciful; I stand in need of mercy.”

Peace be you.