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Today is the day between. Yesterday was Good Friday, a misnomer if there ever was one because it is the day we relive Jesus's trial and brutal crucifixion. Tomorrow is the day we celebrate his resurrection.
Today is filled with uncertainty because we don't know how to feel or understand the meaning of what we are experiencing. We who are in the middle today see how the story ends or continues with the resurrection of Christ. With that event, we embrace the sure and certain knowledge that if we believe, we will never perish.
Knowing what is coming should fill us with joy, anticipating the fulfillment of the promise. Still, I have always experienced mixed feelings because I know that I, along with every other human, living and dead, participated in the death of Jesus because of our sinful and fallen nature. Salvation delivered by death and resurrection is the only hope for me or any of us. We can’t overcome our nature until we are lifted to be with God.
This year, I am particularly vexed today. For reasons that would take too long to explain now, I became aware of the fact I have never been confirmed as Catholic, a decision I made to avoid putting down my Methodist family because of the mistaken impression that being confirmed Catholic only celebrated conversion and acceptance and in no way harms the importance of my earlier confirmation as a Methodist.
I realized a gap in my sacramental reality when I learned I had decided not to be confirmed. Father Kirby said if I felt I was missing something I desired, I should proceed with confirmation. It was only a short time until I wanted confirmation; I needed it.
As I approach confirmation tonight, I understand I am not denying the past. Still, I am confirming the life I have led since the first eucharist after my return to church following my side trip through the seminary is the life I want to live. I confirm that life in the church as a Catholic is the life I want to live, strengthened through grace flowing from the sacrament.
I sense that confirmation will help me feel more complete despite the years of blessings and riches heaped on me through life in the sacraments.
On Holy Thursday, Father Kirby talked about how he has come to understand that all he needs is Jesus. I know that is true for me, too. All I need is Christ. What remains is the journey from knowing I need only Jesus to where all I want is Jesus. I pray for the ability to pursue that state of grace.
Tomorrow, we will find that the rock has been rolled away from the tomb, and He will have risen from the dead. I am sorrowful now, but tomorrow I will rejoice!
