We are not special.

Sometimes we alcoholics think we have the market on human misery cornered, that somehow when it comes to suffering we suffer more than the normal people. We are wrong. To some degree all humans are guilty of tending toward selfishness and self centeredness rather than being concern with the well being of others. We all tend to be afraid or angry when we worry that something we have is going to be taken from us or we are going to be deprived of something we desire. At any moment, anyone of us could devour a carton of ice cream or buy more pairs of shoes than we can wear in a month. Or we could develop obsessions over things as crazy as tea cozies or McDonald’s Happy Meal toys. I am reminded of the commonalities we share frequently by my wife when I try to separate myself from other humans by proclaiming that I am somehow entitled to be treated differently just because I am an alcoholic. I also see it all around me in whenever I listen to stories of people who struggle to live a good live when it is so easy to fall away. The stories of hurt and pain are told by alcoholics and non-alcoholics alike.

I recently read an absolutely beautiful story that began with harms done to each other by members of family and ending with sweet and moving description of lives redeemed when a woman reconciled with her former mother in law. The details of the story are not important except point out what was not in the story. There was no mention of alcoholism, of AA, sponsors or doing step work. Instead there was only a full description of truth the whenever relationships remain broken, both parties will continue to suffer until reconciliation occurs and the healing grace of God can enter into damaged hearts and make lives new again. If you want to read the story, pick up a copy of the book “Chicken Soup for the Soul” and read it again for that is where the story originated. We hear these stories day after day in virtually every AA meeting that takes place in every corner of the world but the point is that we also find the examples of importance of making amends everywhere. The sad truth is that we are all damaged in some way and to some degree because we had to make the transition away from being helpless infants for whom happiness is defined as the soft touch of a mother, a full belly and the ability to asleep without worrying about how the US soccer team will fare in the match against England. Instead we have to grow up and learn to redefine happiness in order to understand that which we seek that we might know it if we should find it.

What separates us is what is at stake for us. If the lady in the story had not found a way to make amends and reconcile with her mother in law, she would have likely continued to be miserable but she probably not die from the hurt. For alcoholics, that unrepaired relationship would probably result in us turning to drink and for us, to drink is to die. I have come to believe if we simply took the word alcohol out of first step that virtually everyone could benefit from working a 12 step program. Somewhere along the line we all have to learn the happiness is not something that we can find, it is not gift that can be given to us by others. No one can take it away from us. Here is the truth I have finally come to understand: we become happy by simply deciding to live our lives in accordance with God’s will for us.

There are many characteristics that separate alcoholics from non-alcoholics but there is one reality that we hold in common: God loves each and every one of us without limit and He wants us to find happiness in embracing that love. At the end of the day, God’s love for us is the only fact that matters for any of us. It is his love for us that caused Him to send forth the holy spirit to give us the grace and strength we need love, forgive, grow and seek to be one with Him but not only in this world and in the next. So it turns out that we are special after all. We are not, however, unique. God’s abiding love is universal.