I’ve been asking God a lot this year to help me find my purpose. The reality of it though, is that He has shown me what it is, but I’m struggling to accept that this is the road I must walk. What about what I want?! Doesn’t that count?

I have enjoyed my nice predictable schedule the past few years.  I have considerable control over when I do something and I live my life in a pretty tidy, orderly fashion. After years having been on call, I no longer flinch when my phone rings. So why am I am I being called to wade into the chaos to serve him?

And even as I speak it, I realize how strange it must all sound to Him. I ask Him to show me the way and when He does, instead of being grateful, I say ‘But wait, no, I don’t really like how this sounds. What about me, what about what I want? Doesn’t what I want matter?’

Today we encounter John I find myself feeling sheepish. I might have to hit the pause button and resume watching a program if I am called to serve. John was a little more committed. A lot more committed. As we say today, he was all in.

John the Baptist’s life isn’t one we would consider a ‘success’ if we measured it against the yardstick of conventional human achievement. He lived a hermetic life on the fringes of civilization. He wore wild clothes, foraged for his food. And though he inspired a following with his message of baptism and repentance, his ministry was eventually eclipsed by Jesus’. In the end, he died a gruesome death, at the hands of a foolish king and his vain daughter. Yet here was a man at whose birth, the angels declared, “… many will rejoice at his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord”. This isn’t ‘greatness’ as we would know it, is it? Not in the conventional sense of the word at least.

When we ask God to show us His purpose for us, very often the answer surprises us and not always in a positive way. When that happens, it is important to remember that God doesn’t judge a purposeful life the same way we do. Not for Him the accolades and awards of achievement. Instead, He wants a contrite and humble heart, a heart willing to be led even into the desert, to the fringes of humanity. A heart that says ‘I do, despite my reservations because I trust you, Lord’. And our reward? Life everlasting with Him. Maybe what I should be praying for instead, is the courage and humility to say, ‘Let Thy will be done’ – and the endurance that is needed to follow through on it.

Prayer: We pray for those who are searching for their vocation and their purpose. We pray for the Holy Spirit to quieten their internal turmoil so that they may hear His quiet voice deep within.

Thanksgiving: We give thanks that God loves us despite all of the bad decisions we have made.