For John........
Eulogy
January 11, 2016
Thank you again being with us today. We have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love shared with the family over the past week. For everything that has been done and for all else to come, thank you.
This is the time take a few minutes to remember John. A eulogy should be more than a recitation of the facts like we read in the obituary. Instead we should remember the simple truths about a person which when added together define the essence of the person who has passed.
There is a famous poem called “The Dash” which tells us that what defines a person is what happens between the date of birth and the date of death. The dash represents the time a person lives out the fullness of life.
So what are some of the simple truths about John? There are a few words we can use as tools to assist us in uncovering those truths.
The first word is commitment. John was committed to his family, first in time he was committed to his parents and also his sister Lesley. John was committed to Marcia as a friend, a partner and a spouse, and then he was committed to his children, Jackson and Jessica. He was also committed to the family he married into and we, in turn, were committed to him.
So what did commitment look like to John? It looked like vacationing with Marcia, whether the trips were to distant places like San Francisco or Seattle or perhaps just enjoying a leisurely canoe trip down a nearby river. Commitment looked like attending every one of Jackson’s baseball games he possibly make and he was committed to the point of often keeping score. Now that is something which really demands commitment.
Commitment looked like following Jessica from one dance event to another so he could be with her and watch while she did what she loves to do best.
Commitment was being willing to travel near and far for family events. We should remember sitting on the shore of Lake McDonald visiting and laughing together. Meanwhile our children attempted to throw every rock on the beach back out into deep water as part of a grand rock skipping contest. Our last memory of a family gathering with John will be this past Christmas. It was a very sweet day and it was so unexpected.
As I look around I see many faces who remind me of other truths. John was committed to his profession. For John to be a lawyer was to have achieved his highest vocational calling. He truly loved the law and those who knew him as a lawyer respected and admired him greatly whether the person was a partner, ally or an opponent. He was a great man and he was a great lawyer who showed us how to be an extraordinary advocate without creating enmity in what can be a bitterly adversarial occupation
There a number of other words which describe the dash between the dates we should touch upon.
Kindness.
Patience
Gentleness. He always spoke gently, both in the words he chose and the tone he used while speaking.
Wise. He was often the smartest man in any room he happened to be in but he always tried to use his intelligence to find wisdom wherever it could be found.
Loving. He loved. That is all I need to say. He loved and reveled in being loved in return.
The last word to use to describe the dash between the dates is humor. John had a wonderful sense of humor which he shared generously. If I were to ask just half of you to recall a single time when John not only caused you to laugh but also made you feel good about it, we would be here for hours.
Today is a day for us to share such stories with each other but not just today but also in the coming days, weeks, months and years. Memories are the most important thing to remember about the time the dash represents. Marcia asked me to encourage each of you to continue to share stories about John with each other and with Marcia and her children.
There is one last thing to share, something I don’t think I have ever shared with anyone but it is something I think will be fitting conclusion.
Some 18 years ago I was privileged to see my nephew Jackson for the first time. As you might expect I was nearly overcome with emotion. I glanced at John and I saw that sly grin we all loved so much. You know the look I am talking about, don’t you. We all knew that look. I just knew something unexpected was coming. And it did.
He said to me, “I think I am your favorite person in the world.”
Of course, I was enormously fond of John but it still seemed to be a very strange thing for him to say. Without allowing me to consider the statement for long, he continued, “I am your favorite guy because I married your sister, fathered her baby and made her happy.”
Of course, his precise words were not exactly appropriate to repeat while we are here in the sanctuary but you get the point. I promise you this – we laughed long and loud over that.
A couple of years later I had the opportunity to see my niece Jessica for the first time. Sharing a wee dram of fine single malt Scotch with him later, I reminded him he was, in fact, still my favorite guy in the world and we shared another good laugh.
In the past few days I have come to realize that his telling me he was my favorite guy was not just funny but that it speaks to the greatest truth about John, the truth that defined his time was between dates.
You see, John made the decision to wake up every day determined to be the best husband and the best father he could be and he spent every day for the rest of his life doing just that.
This is the great truth that gives all of the other simple truths meaning and purpose. If a man commits to making his wife and children happy, what more could any brother want?
For this brother, the answer is nothing. There is nothing more to want except, in this case, more time for him to be with us. Still, however, we treasure the time with him we were permitted on this side of the veil.
Thank you and God bless you all for being here.
This is the time take a few minutes to remember John. A eulogy should be more than a recitation of the facts like we read in the obituary. Instead we should remember the simple truths about a person which when added together define the essence of the person who has passed.
There is a famous poem called “The Dash” which tells us that what defines a person is what happens between the date of birth and the date of death. The dash represents the time a person lives out the fullness of life.
So what are some of the simple truths about John? There are a few words we can use as tools to assist us in uncovering those truths.
The first word is commitment. John was committed to his family, first in time he was committed to his parents and also his sister Lesley. John was committed to Marcia as a friend, a partner and a spouse, and then he was committed to his children, Jackson and Jessica. He was also committed to the family he married into and we, in turn, were committed to him.
So what did commitment look like to John? It looked like vacationing with Marcia, whether the trips were to distant places like San Francisco or Seattle or perhaps just enjoying a leisurely canoe trip down a nearby river. Commitment looked like attending every one of Jackson’s baseball games he possibly make and he was committed to the point of often keeping score. Now that is something which really demands commitment.
Commitment looked like following Jessica from one dance event to another so he could be with her and watch while she did what she loves to do best.
Commitment was being willing to travel near and far for family events. We should remember sitting on the shore of Lake McDonald visiting and laughing together. Meanwhile our children attempted to throw every rock on the beach back out into deep water as part of a grand rock skipping contest. Our last memory of a family gathering with John will be this past Christmas. It was a very sweet day and it was so unexpected.
As I look around I see many faces who remind me of other truths. John was committed to his profession. For John to be a lawyer was to have achieved his highest vocational calling. He truly loved the law and those who knew him as a lawyer respected and admired him greatly whether the person was a partner, ally or an opponent. He was a great man and he was a great lawyer who showed us how to be an extraordinary advocate without creating enmity in what can be a bitterly adversarial occupation
There a number of other words which describe the dash between the dates we should touch upon.
Kindness.
Patience
Gentleness. He always spoke gently, both in the words he chose and the tone he used while speaking.
Wise. He was often the smartest man in any room he happened to be in but he always tried to use his intelligence to find wisdom wherever it could be found.
Loving. He loved. That is all I need to say. He loved and reveled in being loved in return.
The last word to use to describe the dash between the dates is humor. John had a wonderful sense of humor which he shared generously. If I were to ask just half of you to recall a single time when John not only caused you to laugh but also made you feel good about it, we would be here for hours.
Today is a day for us to share such stories with each other but not just today but also in the coming days, weeks, months and years. Memories are the most important thing to remember about the time the dash represents. Marcia asked me to encourage each of you to continue to share stories about John with each other and with Marcia and her children.
There is one last thing to share, something I don’t think I have ever shared with anyone but it is something I think will be fitting conclusion.
Some 18 years ago I was privileged to see my nephew Jackson for the first time. As you might expect I was nearly overcome with emotion. I glanced at John and I saw that sly grin we all loved so much. You know the look I am talking about, don’t you. We all knew that look. I just knew something unexpected was coming. And it did.
He said to me, “I think I am your favorite person in the world.”
Of course, I was enormously fond of John but it still seemed to be a very strange thing for him to say. Without allowing me to consider the statement for long, he continued, “I am your favorite guy because I married your sister, fathered her baby and made her happy.”
Of course, his precise words were not exactly appropriate to repeat while we are here in the sanctuary but you get the point. I promise you this – we laughed long and loud over that.
A couple of years later I had the opportunity to see my niece Jessica for the first time. Sharing a wee dram of fine single malt Scotch with him later, I reminded him he was, in fact, still my favorite guy in the world and we shared another good laugh.
In the past few days I have come to realize that his telling me he was my favorite guy was not just funny but that it speaks to the greatest truth about John, the truth that defined his time was between dates.
You see, John made the decision to wake up every day determined to be the best husband and the best father he could be and he spent every day for the rest of his life doing just that.
This is the great truth that gives all of the other simple truths meaning and purpose. If a man commits to making his wife and children happy, what more could any brother want?
For this brother, the answer is nothing. There is nothing more to want except, in this case, more time for him to be with us. Still, however, we treasure the time with him we were permitted on this side of the veil.
Thank you and God bless you all for being here.
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