Facebook - Good bye. For now.

Thursday, Cannon Beach, Oregon 

I have for some weeks been considering how to manage the dominance social media has come to have over my daily life. I began to seriously consider taking a break by simply deactivating during Lent as a Lenten penance as several of my friends and acquaintances have done in past years. I had not seriously considered going cold turkey in that fashion for the simple reason Facebook and Instagram have weaseled their way into being a routine and common form of communication. Rather than calling, sending a text message or even sending an email, increasing numbers of people have taken to using messaging or posting on my timeline as a way of communicating and I find it all too convenient to do the same. 

My thinking was that if I went cold turkey, I would miss out on not learning something from someone important to me. I thought it might be easy to just sign on to Facebook and then limit my attention to the red indicators telling me I had been sent a friend request, a personal message or had simply tagged me for some reason. The idea is that once the red lights were resolved, I would simply close out the application before sneaking a peak at my Newsfeed.

That plan might work, it just might work. For a while anyway. I am beginning to suspect, however, that for me the Newsfeed is like alcohol. Once I scroll down one screen, I can’t stop until I have consumed everything posted since the last time I checked in. I just can’t help myself.

In the aftermath of the 2012 and 2014 elections, the political hubbub died down to the point I could enjoy posts offering news about nieces, nephews and the rest of my family. I loved seeing pictures of soccer matches, dance recitals, first communions, weddings, engagement parties. I was sad to hear about pets that died or family and friends who were in grave peril or who had passed away but I appreciated the ability to share those losses those who hurting the same way I myself had been hurt in the past. I think it is wonderful to be a regular participant in the lives of friends and family who were once a big part of my daily life but who have now been separated by time and space. I would not trade those re-connections for the world but I have to also recognize the terrible cost I am paying at the same time.

When I look at Facebook now, I feel as though I have been trapped a New York City traffic jam of epic proportions. Long streams of cars have been jammed at an intersection and there is nowhere for any of the cars to go to start the process of untangling the snarl. Many of us are leaning out the windows yelling and cursing at everyone around them.

I understand the emotion. We all have something important to say and no one is listening. I have important things to say but I don’t because of the risk of being called a hater, a racist, a fascist, a misogynist – or even worse. I would hope that anyone who has ever known me for more than two minutes knows that while I have a very strong and well defined belief system I would never want to be in a situation where anyone who disagrees me would feel disparaged, minimized, or, worse yet, unloved. Pastor Tyler Amundson in a recent column in the newspaper lamented the fact we seem to have forgotten how to disagree. We have. I am seeing growing chasms between friends and family members, including within my own family, because of the mounting bitterness and anger rising out of a failed effort at dialogue that has faded into a vituperative exercise in social warfare.

As for my plan to venture in the world of Facebook, I fear I won’t be able to take care of business and move on but will instead find myself being sucked back into the spectacle. I know for certain I will not be able to wait until Lent to separate myself from discourse that seems to be growing every day. I had hoped we call get back inside our cars and cooperate with each other so we can move on down the road rather than uselessly laying on the horn. I hoped we could start looking for the things we share and which bind us together to remind us of what are looking for rather than hammering every larger wedges into the divisions that separate and antagonize us. Instead, it is time to make a change for sake of my sense of peace.

The events of the past year have reminded me I cannot change anyone or anything. All I can do is to change how I respond to the people and things that upset me. It is safe to say I have not said one thing on Facebook that has changed the mind of a single person nor has anyone said anything that changed my mind. Social media is not a place where effective change happen. That kind of change only comes from a softening of the mind and a willingness to listen respectfully to other.

I know peaceful discourse can be accomplished. I meet with a group of men for a prayer group on Thursday mornings and we share a sense of community and brotherhood that unites us because of a common love of the Gospel and the firm conviction we can lead each other to a closer union with Christ. We nurture our brotherhood and feed other with the fruit of our shared faith. We are stronger and better for it, better men, better husbands, better fathers, and better friends.

Understand, however, we are widely separated by our politics. Some of us are progressives, others more middle of the road and the rest of us would be considered rock-ribbed conservatives. Our differences do not divide us because we abide by the challenges given by St. Francis to first seek to understand rather than be understood. Peace fills each of us and sustains us until we meet in prayer again the next week.

I know calling those I disagree with libtards, or snowflakes is not going to lead anything fruitful. Likewise, calling me names is not going to help your cause one bit. Compassion, empathy, curiosity and patience will offer a better chance of meaningful change. I will also believe that as long as each side justifies their inflammatory and judgmental verbal and written expressions of outrage on the behavior of the other side, we will never find peace. Someone has to step away from the smoking cannons and trust others will do the same. I have despaired of this happening soon and I need to focus on building up kingdom of God by making a positive contribution in other ways other than devoting the amount of time I have been to social media. Maybe there will be a way to continue to participate in the lives of the people important to me, and you are ALL important to me, without risking my ability to find peace in daily life.

For now, goodbye. Please, please, PLEASE do not think I am blaming anyone for expressing themselves about issues they hold dear. I am, instead, blaming myself because I know I have crossed the line from time to time. It is my own actions and behavior that are prompting me to step back more than anything I have encountered from others.  Call me, text me, email me but don’t expect I will respond if you reach out through Facebook. I might not hear you there. God bless you and may He keep you in His care until we meet again.  Peace.