19. One person who has mastered life is better than a thousand persons who have mastered only the contents of books.

Friday, October 19, 2018

“One person who has mastered life is better than a thousand persons who have mastered only the contents of books, but no one can get anything out of life without God.” ~ Meister Eckhart

This is truly fascinating to hear from a medieval period mystic because what is offered is truly profound and practical. We are instructed that actual experience is far more valuable than theoretical knowledge acquired but not tested under the fire of daily life.

This is a theme which reoccurs time and time again through his teachings. Instead of studying how to prayer and never actually taking the time to pray, just skip to the basics and pray. We can learn more by doing than reading. We experience growth from actual results rather than just building a block of information which may or may not be of practical value.

In this instance, if asked I would have to confess I tend more toward learning than doing even after piling up a lifetime of experience. For me, learning is the easy part. I sit back and let my mind bounce from topic to topic and from source to source. I must embrace the fact I can't think or learn my way to the kind of deep relationship I desire with God. Once I get some basic tools, I am called to use them. To pray. To sink into the darkness, not of oblivion, but, rather into place where darkness does not represent an end of all things but the beginning of knowing God is unknowable in all ways and in all things save one, love. Richard Rohr says, and I am sure he did not say it first, that the only way for us to know God is to know his love.

This love should empower me to pray and to remember to simply talk with him. He knows what I have that needs to be said. I know I need to say it but I don't know all that I need to say because much lies buried within.

When I first started with contemplation I quickly hit a road block. At first, the more I practiced and prayed the more comfort I experienced but then something else began to happen, something I did not know to expect. As my inner soul became more comfortable, it gained the courage to open up long forgotten and deeply buried boxes of secrets. Where there was once comfort, I found great pain as found myself having to confront the myriad of broken relationships damaged by my ego's relentless drive to feed itself. I had done wrong to others. I was still doing wrong to others. I felt myself to be wronged but the hurts I felt seemed to be justified because of sinful and unholy nature. I deserved the pain I felt. I was certain I earned it.

The enormity of it all darkened my countenance and destroyed my self confidence. I fell into depression and nearly tailed all the way into helplessness.

I have emerged and I feel have been treading water aimlessly for most of the past two years. That is not true. I have done much work. I have began to see the my personal worth from the perspective of service using my yet clumsy and poorly developed charisms.

Yes I need to still study so I can have some perspective on where to travel, what to look forward and how to process the experiences I encounter to support my comfort with the death of self and the new life which will follow in the cloud of unknowing where the only thing I know is the presence and love of God.