After this he went out and saw a tax collector named Levi sitting at the customs post. He said to him, “Follow me.” And leaving everything behind, he got up and followed him. Then Levi gave a great banquet for him in his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were at table with them. The Pharisees and their scribes complained to his disciples, saying, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?” Jesus said to them in reply, “Those who are healthy do not need a physician, but the sick do. I have not come to call the righteous to repentance but sinners.”
I have been sitting with this passage for some time this morning, longer than it takes a sip down a cup of coffee. Now that I am halfway through a second cup, I am ready to commit my thoughts to the page, I mean screen, I mean page. Whatever.
The bolded words "Follow me" resonate and echo in my heart and head. The echo, however, sounds different from the words sent out. What I am hearing in the return comes from the invitatory, Psalm 95:
Oh, that today you would hear his voice. Do not harden your hearts….
The message is clear and it bounces wildly inside my otherwise quiet morning. Follow me, I read and then in the next breath I hear the caution to not harden my heart. I am bothered. Why? What is so vexing this morning? Perhaps it is because the notion of being called has been on my mind frequently as I work through the process of creating a course titled "What are you looking for?". The answer, of course, is God. We are always searching for him but we are still startled to hear his voice. The path of my thoughts is simple and repetitious. I feel a sense of unrest even as I sit surrounded by his creation watching the dawn come on slowly into a cloudless sky. Multiple birds begin to visit the feeders just a few feet from where I sit, wings fluttering and chirping at each other, me and, most often, just to hear the sound of their own song.
Perhaps it is because I fell into conflict with my wife when I felt offended she took exception to me not having followed her requests about minor things more closely. I had rationale and justification for what I had done but she was not having it. I was angered and did not respond well. When the exchange petered out, I was left with the lingering awareness that whenever I am upset, the problem is with me and not the problem itself, no matter the cause.
Here is the rub, or at least part of it. If I choose to follow him, if I obey him, it means I need to listen to him at the level of encounter. Following him means we must, we are invited, to hear his teachings and embrace them. Does he teach us anger is wrong? No, not completely. He was portrayed as being angry but the result of his anger is expressed in his drive to separate us from what causes us to sin. I think of the passage about Jesus driving the unscrupulous vendors from the temple. My anger does not arise out of any altruistic sense of wrong needing to be righted. It is to protect my precious ego.
The rest of the paragraph from Psalm 95 continues to describe how the people tested and angered him with their rebellious lack of faith. I can't strictly say my behavior angered him. That would be egoistic. What I can say with certitude is he would have me respond differently. With compassion. With self-awareness. With forgiveness. With patience and the list of terms continues.
As I close in prayer, I ask him to help me avoid my ego and to face the world, especially my family with humility and compassion which inspire a need, and a desire to serve.
Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment