If I say, “Surely darkness shall hide me, and night shall be my light” Darkness is not dark for you, and night shines as the day. Darkness and light are but one.
Two days of summer left until fall begins. Comes now the dawn but it is already just after 7:00 AM. The sky is clear, again but the temperature is down to forty-three. It is wet on the deck and grass from the light rain we had last night. The air smells clean. Fall marks the halfway point of the length of the day yielding to the length of the night. My mood today is peaceful, reflective and tinged with gratitude. I see a bright day full of good things coming but sometimes even good things mount up to cause me to feel stress and fatigue.
At a point in my late thirties, I began to sink into the darkness of depression following the loss of two children and the death of my much-loved father-in-law. I have written pages and pages about the beginning, progression and remission of my depression and how it tore at the corners of my life to where there was little left in the middle to recognize. How it happened and why it happened don't seem to be important questions to answer this morning. Not now as the brightening day paints over the shadows with color.
Still, verses 11 and 12 strike me despite having read past them multiple times this week. I can testify to the truth of the psalmist's lyrics. I was in the dark and felt compelled to remain in darkness. I went into the darkness alone but I did not stay there because God followed me there and reminded me of his presence through pen points of light that burst past the shuttered and closed windows and doors. Eventually, I sought the comfort of the light, to feel its brightness against my closed eyes and its warmth on my face. Day by day, I opened more windows and then the day came when I stepped out into the light and walked away from the dark cabin of despair.
I have returned to the cabin from time to time and looked through the doorway into the darkest corners. The security of the darkness attracted and tempted me enough that I stepped through the threshold inside but I never moved out of the sunlight into the beckoning shadows. I know there will be times in the future when I will find myself standing at the door of the cabin looking in. I pray to remember that there is nowhere to hide inside. God will follow me inside.
As I pray further, I embrace the understanding I was never alone in the darkness. God was already there. He was with me at all times waiting for me to respond to his love and to find purpose and joy in living by his plan.
I might never think I have learned and come to understand all, but I cannot achieve that end. None of us can. God is in the darkness and in the light. All that matters is to remember we are his no matter where we go. The companion meditation on Isaiah 47 1 rises to be my closing prayer. I do not choose fear today, I have been redeemed, he has called me by name and I am his. Amen
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