The All-knowing and Ever-present God
For the leader. A psalm of David.
LORD, you have probed me, you know me: you know when I sit and stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. You sift through my travels and my rest; with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, LORD, you know it all. Behind and before you encircle me and rest your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, far too lofty for me to reach.
"You encircle me and rest your hand upon me."
Number 139 is a Psalm I turn to often when I struggle with who I am, was, or might be. Doubt fills me often and seems to be my default position in life. Doubt and fear, twin dragons to scorch my thoughts and daydreams as I look to a future that is far from certain because the knowledge of what is to come is certainly unknown. This Psalm speaks to the pointlessness of doubt and fear. We are known through and through, nothing is hidden from the only whom we truly need to rely upon.
In recent years I have met those who dislike this passage. They are frightened by the prospect of having their deepest secrets revealed as if they matter to a creator who reaches out to us with forgiveness. Consider the prodigal son. The father was not concerned with having his son ask for forgiveness. The son did not even speak before the father showered grace on him. I understand the concern about being completely known. I harbor fear about showing my deepest being to others even though I have experienced the gifts of acceptance and love from those to whom I have opened up the darkest of places. We all share the burden of carrying things we don't want to reveal even if each of us has our own individual and peculiar shame and guilt over things done or undone.
The word encircle rises up this morning as I pray the Psalm. It has not been a focus from prior praying which I find curious because of the significance "encircle" has for me and for many. The Celtic Christian spirituality tradition includes a huge dependence on the idea of God encircling us with his love and protection. St. Patrick prays about God being above us, below us, behind us, in front of us and beside us, both left and right. The image of being at the core of giant spheres like the sun or the moon and being totally surrounded by God in all 360 degrees of existence consoles me.
I am, in my deepest being, a man of fear. I rely upon many tools to rise and face the day every day but faith in God is the source of all of those tools. If God is in all places then I must be in all places because God is in me and I am in God. God knows me and knows what I need to be where he takes me. It is for me to understand that and to trust. Oh, how difficult that is. To trust.
In the past few days, the intense heat of summer has faded away and we are sliding into the fall with increasing speed. I do not see the color of the leaves changing in this piece of creation I inhabit while waiting for resurrection. I am reminded change happens as has been established through the endless and unfathomable expense of time that means nothing to the one who protects us. Smoke smudges the view of things beyond a few hundred feet but I know the mountains exist even if they are unseen today because I have seen them before. Likewise, if today I feel alone and concerned, I know I am not alone and that I am encircled with love and by love because I have experienced God's consolation often in the past. I have hope. I have faith. I trust I am loved. For now, that is enough.
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