Above all let her not neglect or undervalue the welfare of the souls committed to her, in
a greater concern for fleeting, earthly, perishable things; but let her always
bear in mind that she has undertaken the government of souls and that she will
have to give an account of them. And if she be tempted to allege a lack of
earthly means, let her remember what is written:
"First seek the kingdom of God and His justice,
and all these things shall be given you besides" (Ps. 33[34]:10).
And again:
"Nothing is wanting to those who fear Him."
Let her know, then, that she who has undertaken the
government of souls must prepare herself to render an account of them. Whatever
number of sisters she knows she has under her care, she may be sure beyond
doubt that on Judgment Day she will have to give the Lord an account of all
these souls, as well as of her own soul. Thus the constant apprehension about
her coming examination as shepherd (Ezech. 34) concerning the sheep entrusted
to her, and her anxiety over the account that must be given for others, make
her careful of her own record. And while by her admonitions she is helping
others to amend, she herself is cleansed of her faults.
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This last section of
Chapter 2 before we move on to Chapter 3 is ongoing indictment of my lack of
understanding of the role I accepted by sacramental and covenantal vow. I would
have sworn to anyone in earshot that I never neglected or undervalued the welfare
of the souls committed to me. More precisely, the welfare of the souls to whom
I committed.
All I can offer in
my defense is, well, nothing. Forgiveness is something I scarcely hope for
because, as is always the case, forgiveness is not deserved or warranted. All I
can offer in exchange is willingness to make amends but even amends I can offer
are a pittance.
Understand my errors
were not life threatening nor did they deprive my family of needed sustenance
or material things but they are all the more grievous because I should have
known better. I was warned but could not hear the warnings. There is also the matter
of my suffering from disease that kept me from becoming the man I should have
been, the man I wanted to be or the man I want to be today because I still find
myself being tripped up by old patterns of behavior driven by character flaws
that are still at work in my daily life. I don't want to wait until later to be
held to account for my past errors, I want to embrace them now and to offer
justice as I can, old fashioned justice which means to make things right.
I need help to even
continue to make tiny steps. I need his grace and the gift of the spirit.
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