Chapter 3: On Calling for Counsel - January 16

Whenever any important business has to be done in the monastery, let the Abbot call together the whole community and state the matter to be acted upon. Then, having heard the brethren's advice, let him turn the matter over in his own mind and do what he shall judge to be most expedient.

The reason we have said that all should be called for counsel is that the Lord often reveals to the younger what is best. Let the brethren give their advice with all the deference required by humility, and not presume stubbornly to defend their opinions; but let the decision rather depend on the Abbot's judgment, and all submit to whatever he shall decide for their welfare. However, just as it is proper for the disciples to obey their master, so also it is his function to dispose all things with prudence and justice

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I have, over the past few reflections, come to see my self as the abbot for my family. Now the next question comes for me to consider: who is my Abbot? Do I think of this in terms of work? Home? In not there, where? Today, however, I still see myself as the Abbot for my family so the reflection as to be seen from that vantage.

As my children were growing up, I did not often bring them into the discussion was at hand. Decisions regarding me taking a new job and uprooting them to move with me were not something for which we invited their participation. We simply explained what was happening and why we, or more accurately, I thought it was best for them.

That is not to say they were completely without a say in our family life. We allowed them to talk about family activities and even I, in my imperious way, tried to accommodate them whether it was going for a walk, going to the beach, playing games and so on. Even at those times we did not always follow their ideas but as a rule, we wanted them to feel like they were part of life and not just a bystander watching my parade go by.

The need for big decisions involving them is very limited now but when there is a need, we involve them. The biggest discussion now is what happens when we retire. Do we stay in here in Helena? Do we move to Missoula? Once that question is asked, a much broader discussion then ensues as to what that will look like? I do want to be deferential to my wife. It is only fair since she has had little input regarding such matters over the last 40 years. I hope that we can discuss things from the perspective of partnership and joint decisions. In the end, it is import for me to obey her, not from the perspective of doing what she says but to obey by listening to her a the depth of an encounter.