Chapter 7, part 3 - May 28

Let a man consider that God is always looking at him from heaven, that his actions are everywhere visible to the divine eyes and are constantly being reported to God by the Angels. This is what the Prophet shows us when he represents God as ever present within our thoughts, in the words "Searcher of minds and hearts is God" (Ps. 7:10) and again in the words "The Lord knows the thoughts of men" (Ps. 93[94]:11). Again he says, "You have read my thoughts from afar" (Ps. 13[14]9:3) and "The thoughts of people will confess to You" (Ps. 75[76]:11). In order that he may be careful about his wrongful thoughts, therefore, let the faithful brother say constantly in his heart, "Then shall I be spotless before Him, if I have kept myself from my iniquity" (Ps. 17[18]:24).

Again, we have two choices. First we can be aware that God is constantly watching us and is aware of our actions and allow that to drive us into a fearful, as in afraid, response from a negative motivation to avoid reproach. The second choice is to view God's constant awareness as being freeing and comforting. Why hide what cannot be hidden? Why be afraid when the offer of joy found in seeking his will by acting rather to accept his offer rather than reacting to avoid his disappointment. We are called to live in joy in communion with him rather than to live in endless expiation to prevent condemnation.

There are many days when I fall prey to being locked in self-condemnation because of prior bad acts. I again engage in practical atheism by adopting an attitude that sins are too great to be forgiven or falling into despair because of the certainty I will fail to be humble and fall into error and sin. I know that in the scheme of things what I have done is nothing compared to those who commit mortal or capital sin without any intention of repentance. This is not to minimize the pain I have caused or might cause again. I owe a huge measure of amends to many and I am ever mindful of that but if far greater sins can and are forgiven, so mine can be as well. This attitude leads to sense of shame and humiliation which is the true reverse of humbleness. Same work, humiliation but a far different meanings.

Today I seek to be humble and to turn away from my humiliation by pausing now to ask for forgiveness.