As for self-will, we are forbidden to do our own will
by the Scripture, which says to us, "Turn away from your own will"
(Eccles. 18:30), and likewise by the prayer in which we ask God that His will
be done in us. And rightly are we taught not to do our own will when we take
heed to the warning of Scripture: "There are ways which seem right, but
the ends of them plunge into the depths of hell" (Prov. 16:25); and also
when we tremble at what is said of the careless: "They are corrupt and
have become abominable in their will."
And as for the desires of the flesh, let us believe with the Prophet
that God is ever present to us, when he says to the Lord, "Every desire of
mine is before You" (Ps. 37[38]:10).
This morning I
decided to go down to the front of the hotel and sit on bench near the doorway
to pray morning prayer and delight in the magnificence of the promised day to
come. A gentle breeze ripped through the birch trees with quaked and shimmered
like aspen. Small birds that were too far away to identify but might have been
sparrows flitted from tree to tree chirping songs that are familiar but yet
beyond may knowledge to identify. Crows cawed, magpies scolded, doves cooed
sadly and the Robins were continuously in song just as they had been since
before dawn. The morning was sublime, my mood peaceful and I picked up the
breviary to pray as planned.
In that moment an
elderly lady with silver gray hair tucked up in a bun, neatly but still
subjected to several undominated hairs which fluttered in the breeze. She wore
older aviator style glasses and walked slowly but purposely with a cane. She
was dressed in a calf length denim dress topped by Farmer Brown style straps
with fancy white blouse underneath. She wore dark blue stockings that I did not
know were even still available for purchase. Perhaps they are not but she might
have several pair hidden away in a chest drawers to break out when ever a pair
finally gave out. Her shoes were the clunky white orthopedic shoes a nurse
might have worn many years ago.
"Good
morning," she said with a sideways smile as she limped past me. "Good
morning to you," I responded back. It was my intended will to turn back to
the prayer book and to get started as planned. I thought for a moment more and
then added "What a beautiful morning, isn't it" with the intention of
provoking a response from her. In that moment I responded to what God's will
for me. I was intended to spend time with this lovely lady, I was called to be
a friend a stranger, someone I would not likely ever see again. I found it
curious she was staying in a relatively nice hotel when her station life based
upon her presentation was more humble. Understand it is not my intent to
downplay her in anyway but she just seemed out of place. Then again a man
sitting by the front door of a hotel at 7 in the morning dressed in fleece
might have seemed out of place to her.
I digress.
Over the next
minutes we shared experiences, making connections with each other about when we
first moved to Missoula, somewhere neither of us still lived. I learned about
her simple humble faith after she asked me about the breviary and the crucifix
I wore in plain view. She talked about her husband of 63 years who was
struggling getting settled into a memory care unit and her frustrations with a
life of partnership with someone who could no longer keep their part of the
bargain. We agreed marriages were based upon professed covenants that required
us to eternally keep our promises regardless of whether the party could or
would continue to reciprocate.
Eventually it was
time for her to go and for me to get ready for the day so prepared to part ways
with best wishes and final pleasantries. Before she left, I aske her if I could
offer a blessing and a prayer like I would someone I was visiting as a chaplain.
She quickly accepted and I blessed her Numbers 6 and asked for our ability to
each see God revealed to us during the day.
I turned away from
my own will with barely a thought. She blessed my presence by reminding me that
God's will for me to is to find ways be his servant in action and not just in
silence and contemplation. I will seek silence another day, maybe tomorrow but
I hope, I pray to remember that how I honor God best is to not be fearful about
what I might do but to be confident to extend his mercies where I can and where
they are needed.
His will, God, your
will. Not mine. Amen.
Her name is Susie.
Pause for a moment as your read this and join me in prayer for her and husband.
They need our prayers and we need to pray for them.
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